Monday, May 10, 2010
I'm more than a little bit scared. Taking a leap of faith is not something I'm very good at, probably because I don't do it very often. I am much more comfortable with concrete, printed instructions and paths that are well-lit and previously laid out. Give me a balance beam over a small chasm and I'm okay - so long as there's something underneath my feet. Ask me to make my feet leave the ground and sail over that chasm and trust that things will be okay and you're asking for the near-impossible.
Despite my comfort zone, that's exactly what I'm doing. For over a year now, Bubba and my lovely, always-right friend Carrie have been imploring me to quit my job. I've resisted for so many reasons - most of them come right back to my comfort with doing work that is simple, predictable and doesn't push me, but now I've done it. Come June and Kindergarten Graduation, I'm done at the school. I know that means that I'll have to make a truly concerted effort to sell my book to an agent or publisher. I know that it means I'll have to put my money where my mouth is and really try to write for a living. Although I honestly feel that writing is my 'calling,' it has been so safe and easy to put it off due to parenting obligations and other various things over the past several years, that I am out of practice. If it weren't for this blog I don't know that I would write a word very often.
I'm starting my 'retirement' off right - with two weeks in Hawaii. Bubba and I are taking the girls on a kick-off-the-summer vacation full of sunshine and swimming and sleeping in. We get back on a Saturday and the following Monday Eve and Lola are off to basketball camp every day for a week. I guess that's when I need to buckle down and ignore the laundry/cooking/yardwork and prove to myself that I made the right decision. It's not the safe choice, I know, and like I said, I'm more than a little bit scared. I'm not honestly sure how this will all go and I know that that is part of the journey, but the uncertainty is my least favorite part of it all.