Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Back to Work

Nightmares.

Two nights in a row. Nasty, mean dreams with the same man (from my past) coming at me in different ways with detailed plans of how to hurt and torture me. I'm a teenager again and all the same poisonous feelings I had for him then are tumbling around in my belly, rinsing and swishing, spinning but not draining. The look on his face tells me that he has the same vitriolic cycles going on inside. Our hatred is entirely mutual.

Last night he had me and my best friend in some isolated place and he was playing on my affection for her. I had to be the one to subject myself to his evil plans in order to protect her. I had my cell phone and he knew it, but somehow he wasn't worried. The more I tried to press the right buttons before he snatched it away, the more he laughed. He knew I wouldn't be able to do it right. His disdain was my self-fulfilling prophecy. I couldn't find the right contact numbers in my phone and when I finally did, I only got voice mail. He was right about me.

I never did get rescued. Every moment we experienced was choreographed. By him. I was completely helpless. It didn't feel any different than before. Waking up, I realized that the worst part of the dream was not the fear of harm. It was the fact that I could still feel his hatred for me as strongly as ever, and I hated him just as much.

Hmmm, methinks it's time to work on this.

5 comments:

Deb Shucka said...

Holy cow, what a dream. Wishing you wisdom, insight, and compassion for yourself as you do this work.

Thereza said...

I looove studying dreams! I write about mine, when I get to remember them. All of them bring some kind of message, but most of the time it's too hard for me to understand it before it happens. Such a symbolic novel in our minds - amazing! Hope you get to solve this one, by going back into it, and facing your fears with some secret weapon (maybe you can borrow a paralyzer disguised in a cell phone from James Bond next time, lol).

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Wow. You know the theory that we are all aspects of the dream, so perhaps the "bad man" is a part of you that you hate, and you feel hates you? Might need to non-dominant hand this one...

Miss Devylish said...

I wish it had been a dream for you sugar.. ugh.. that hurts you still feel those things.. sending you so many hugs and healing energies.. Love you so. xoxo

Michelle O'Neil said...

Love.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...