Thursday, December 27, 2007

Gone


The brew drained, as if suddenly the plug had been removed. The mingling honey and charcoal sunk, leaving heavy, wet sand in its place. He is gone. Ever the thoughtful one, he waited for my mom to call him on Christmas night, her sister holding the phone to his ear as he lay comatose in his bed. She needed to tell him how proud she was to be his daughter. She needed to tell him one more time how much she loved him and how important he was to her. She said all the words she needed to say and then told him it was okay for him to go. She understood that it was time.

The next morning he was gone. He took his last breath and let go. The world is not as shiny anymore. The blankets not as warm, the walls not as strong. As I look around my house and find photos of him here and there I recall the feeling of his strong arms around me. I won't soon forget the tenderness that seemed so incongruent with his physical size. He was so frightened to hold my newborn daughter - afraid he was capable of hurting her. The sight of him cradling her awkwardly in his lap still makes me smile. The photo that captured that moment is framed on my wall.

He was so much. An inspiration. Strength and support when we most needed it. Quick witted and confident. Practical and whimsical, both. The absolute pillar of this family.

The sand is heavy in my gut. My tears come easily. I know that it is only a matter of time before I am full again. Full of the promise of the legacy he left to me and the others he touched. For now, I will sit with the sand and the tears.

12 comments:

Eileen said...

Kari,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your Grandfather. What a beautiful picture, you can see the love and happiness all over his face. What a beautiful tribute your wrote, to a wonderful man. You know so much of him lives on in your loved ones.

Grief is never an easy journey, but I am wishing you peace and stillness in your heart. My condolences to your family too. Sending you hugs and lots of love your way.
XOXOXO

Jess said...

So sorry to hear about this loss. But yes, that is a very sweet picture, thank you so much for sharing it. Take care of yourself! Maybe we can have a drink this weekend? :)

Carrie Wilson Link said...

I will sit with you, too, with the sand and the tears. Let them come.

Suzy said...

My condolences and heartfelt sympathy for your loss.

Love you,
Suzy

MY OWN WOMAN... said...

Sorry seems so inadequate of a word to express to someone who has lost an important member of their heart; but sorry is all I have to offer.....sorry and my prayers are with you during this time.

Michelle O'Neil said...

So sorry for your loss Kari. What a beautiful photo, and a beautiful man.

ammogirl said...

I'm so sorry, Kari.

Deb said...

I am so sorry for your loss, and so proud to know a woman who grieves so fully and elegantly. You are a shining reflection of all the greatness you describe in your grandfather.

riversgrace said...

Blessings to you and your family, for your loved-one's passing. Prayers for that passage and for healing.

paul m martin said...

Sorry to learn of your loss.

But I can tell that your grandfather is always going to be with you and other members of your family from your description. Reminds me so much of my grandmother's role in our family. She's been gone since 1976 - but not really. Her name comes up so often that even great grandchildren that she never met have heard a lot about her.

Miss Devylish said...

This is a lovely tribute, Kar. Hugs to you sweetie! xoxo

Scott from Oregon said...

He was lucky to leave such a comet tail of love behind him.

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