Thursday, April 19, 2007

Stop Thinking, Start Feeling


"My heart knows me better than I know myself so I'm gonna let it do all the talking." KT Tunstall


Have I mentioned that I don't do waiting? Or uncertainty? Seems I'm being tested on both counts over and over again. Methinks the Universe is trying to tell me something...


I never expected to reach the point in my life where I'm faced with my parents' mortality so soon. Hearing a diagnosis of "lung cancer" was frightening. The words rattled around in my brain like so many superballs, hitting every available surface and shooting off in all directions. There was no sense to be made of it - just random hits and spheres careening through space. Preparing to witness the reality of surgery and physical vulnerability in a person whom I have held to icon status is taking it one step further. I'm not sure how I'll react to seeing my father lying in a bed in the ICU with a chest tube in place.


"Your dad asked me to tell you he loves you." The hamster jumps off his wheel. He's had enough for today. The worries and thoughts popping in my head suddenly quiet. Warmth begins to bloom far lower - in my core. I am loved. I love him. I'm going to see my dad and I'm going to let my heart do all the talking.

13 comments:

Carrie Wilson Link said...

That's the spirit, Kari! Take an A! (And how much do we LOVE KT Tunstall?)

Jenny Rough said...

Touching post, Kari. May you both find peace.

Kim said...

Absolutely, what a beautiful quote and post.

I'm so sorry about your father's illness. But I am happy for the love you find in each other. He is so lucky to have you by his side.

megan said...

I'm crossing my fingers for your Dad, Kari!

Deb said...

Oh, Kari. I'm so sorry that your dad is ill. I will be praying that you are able to stay in the love and grace of this time.

You are loved. You are encircled. Your dad is love and included in our circle now along with you.

Blessings. Love.

holly said...

Beautiful post, Kari. Love to you and to your dad.

Scott from Oregon said...

Tell him he is awesome.

Eileen said...

Letting your heart and soul do the talking is always the way to go, even when you are scared. Your post was so beautiful. I am very sad to hear about your dad. Many good thoughts and prayers being sent your way.

riversgrace said...

Blessings for healing. The dying process is sometimes the most healing territory (I sincerely don't mean to be presumptious, not sure about his diagnosis or if it's just what the illness brings up for you). Stephen Levine has beautiful books that helped me a lot when my mom and dad passed. Especially the book Who Dies?

Jerri said...

I am SO sorry your father is ill, but thankful beyond words that you've been able to get to the place where you both love and feel loved by this man.

Blessings for the journey, Kari. Blessings to you and your dad.

Jess said...

Sounds like you are in a good place with this process, the best place you can be. Equipped with good music and lots of love and openness.

Suzy said...

Unfortunate and fortunate that illness and loss does bring us closer together.
Prayers to you and your dad.

Michelle O'Neil said...

I'm reading this after the fact, but this intention explains your later entries. Glad he is home and that you had a positive albiet painful experience with your Dad.

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