Thursday, March 22, 2007

We Interrupt The Current Program...

because the memories I have of the one of us who was "lost" are so fuzzy and riddled with holes and so completely able to bring me to my knees that I can't go there yet. So in the meantime, I've been "tagged" by my friend Miss Devylish (http://www.missdevylish.blogspot.com/) on the following:


Finish this statement 5 times: It's ok _____
  • to not know the answer and admit it
  • to cry
  • to be human
  • to indulge your impulse to sing when you absolutely have to, even if you can’t carry a tune to save your life
  • to love with your entire self and not worry how it will work out in the end.
First Times:
The first time I realized there was someone in my life I would run into a burning building for was: when someone placed my two-month old sister in my lap in a rocking chair in our living room. I had never before felt such complete and total love for anything or anyone. I was three years old.
The first time I realized I didn't have to have a good reason to say no to someone or something was: I don’t think I can recall an actual moment when this happened. Rather, it was a gradual awareness over time that my upbringing had been entirely too polite and I had spent the vast majority of my life anticipating the needs of others and disregarding my own. I do know that I was older than I wish I had been and I’m working desperately to help my daughters learn this as children.
The first time I scared the bejeesus out of myself and loved it was: when I started to date a 24-year old chef I worked with. He was incredibly sexy and funny and a hoot to be around, but I was only 16 and terrifically na├»ve and had spent my entire life being a “good girl”. We broke up several weeks later when I discovered he had lied to me and the empowerment I felt at ending the relationship as the younger one despite his apologies and entreaties to give him one more chance was intoxicating.
The first time I walked away from someone or something I finally realized was bad for me was: when I broke up with my boyfriend in college. I had “rescued” him from a rotten family situation in high school and allowed him to perfect the victim role to my savior. With him, I finally learned how overrated being the knight in shining armor is.
When I was younger I used to be: a ballerina. I went to a grueling ballet studio with an ex-Russian ballet dancer who worked us like dogs. I had a perfect turnout and performed in many stage productions and loved every minute of it!
And now I'm: still very flexible, but not at all toned like I used to be Which makes me: long to find a ballet studio where I can dance like an adult but not look like a complete doofus.
An insecurity I've never been able to shake: (but am working on) is that if I can’t do something perfectly, I have no business doing it at all.

Something I find completely disgusting: Eye surgery and belly buttons. I am not squeamish at all and spent several years as an OR nurse, assisting with all sorts of surgeries which I found fascinating. But there is something about cutting into an eyeball that freaks me out – I can’t explain it. Also, the first time I assisted a plastic surgeon during a tummy tuck and he injected local anesthesia right into a woman’s belly button, I almost passed out. My husband and children have no such issues, and can touch their own belly buttons and even clean them out with a Q-tip but just the thought makes me dizzy. My best friend’s daughter actually succeeded in untying her own belly button when she was a toddler (I am not joking, here) and I swear I had nightmares for weeks.

6 comments:

Jerri said...

The thought of someone untying their belly button is going to give me nightmares, too. OMG!!

Fascinating meme, Kari.

Kim said...

Great post--illuminating and fun to read.

And I am so glad you are working to recognize your OWN needs! You deserve just as much care and attention from yourself as you give everyone else in your life.

Scott from Oregon said...

So my lint is a non-starter, I assume?

Miss Devylish said...

I knew most of those.. not the disgusting one tho.. and now I'm thoroughly grossed out too. :)

ammogirl said...

Yeah, untying your own belly button? That is...unspeakable.

Deb said...

Thank you for sharing a little of yourself in that girlfriend kind of way. I'm also glad to know I'm not the only one with belly button issues! :)

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