Shit, check the clock. Okay we have 45 minutes. "Girls, what do you want for breakfast?"No answer. Typical. Peek around the corner, yup, they're still in their pajamas playing with Eve's birthday gifts. Okay, breathe, give them a few minutes to play, and then start nagging.
Shit, gotta pack a lunch, and I promised Lola we'd find the perfect Xmas tree this morning. Check the clock. Forty minutes. "Girls, please go get dressed for school. I'll put couple of bowls of cereal on the table for you.Grilled cheese in your lunchbox okay today?" No answer again. Screw it, I'm making grilled cheese and throwing some other crap in there. She won't die if she doesn't have a well-rounded lunch today.
Okay, we need groceries before Mom shows up today, and I've got to get to the hospital to visit Bubba. Food for myself would be a good idea, but the latte will have to be done on the fly. How about cereal for me, too? Ooh, I think there's a brand new box of my favorite stuff in the pantry.
Shove a bite in and check the sandwich to make sure it's not burning. God, this cereal tastes like crap. Maybe they burned this batch or something. Ugh. Oh well, it's fuel. Sandwich is okay, check the clock. Thirty minutes. "Girls, please go get dressed and feed the animals their breakfast. Make sure you're taking bites of your own breakfast as you play." No answer.
Better jot down a few grocery items so I don't forget them. Lunchbox almost done. Christ! What is that smell? Shove in another bite of cereal before checking. Ohhhh, this is what I needed. The cat had diarrhea on the carpet. Like I have time for this? Quick, clean it up before the dog decides it's sweet-smelling lotion. Shit, the dog. He probably really needs to pee. "Has anyone let the dog out this morning?" No answer.
Let the dog out, clean up the cat shit, CHECK THE SANDWICH! DONT BURN IT!
Sandwich is fine, cut it into triangles. Check the clock. Twenty minutes. "Girls, I mean it - get dressed and pick up your toys so the dog doesn't eat them while we're out today. Are you eating your cereal?" Speaking of...shove another bite in. Man, this stuff tastes vile this morning. What is the matter?
Okay, a few more grocery items, make sure the dog has water, clean out the litter box, fill Eve's water bottle for school. Make sure Lola isn't wearing her Christmas dress since it's muddy at the tree farm. Call Bubba's brother and sister to let them know he's in the hospital again and I'll call again later with more information. Call Bubba's boss and fill him in.
Finally, they're dressed. "Make sure your hair and teeth are brushed, please. We're leaving in ten minutes." Finish the cereal. Gulp, chew. Gulp, chew. Oh God. I can't believe it. Open the fridge and check the milk carton. I'm such an idiot. The expiration date is November 28th. It wasn't the cereal, stupid, it was the sour milk you poured over the top of it. I just ate an entire bowl of cereal with sour milk and didn't know it. Ugh. Okay, move on.
"Can someone put the dog in his crate for me? Lola, you need sneakers or boots on to get the tree. Eve, don't forget your school bag, okay?"
Lock the back door, make sure the dishes are in the sink.Check the clock. Shit, two minutes. "How come nobody ate their cereal? And the Barbie dolls are all over the floor? Please clean them up, guys! We need to leave now and the house is a mess. Gram's coming today."
Why is Eve looking at me like that? "What?!"
She opens her mouth and looks up at me with hooded eyes, "You are not dropping me off like THAT, Mom."
Check self. Hmmm, bare feet, bird's nest hair, pajamas still on, and no bra. "You're right. Guess I forgot to get dressed. You guys get in the car, I'm running upstairs to get dressed and find a baseball cap."