Every few days as I contemplate my next blog entry I have the same conversation with myself. I originally began writing here as a way to exercise my writing muscles and work out some of the kinks in my "voice" so that I could be more efficient when I write the book(s) I so desperately want to write.
Unfortunately, the comment section has waylaid me on more than one occasion and I must confess, I struggle to avoid becoming an attention whore because of it. I broadcast the news of my new blog to friends and family as well as some past writing workshop acquaintances and hoped that word would spread from there. I have commented on others' blogs and left my url and check my blog several times a day to see who has commented.
A month ago, I was feeling rather despondent because the comments I receive are fairly predictable (not that I don't love you, guys, so keep commenting!), coming from my dearest friends. In hopes of unearthing other readers who were to shy to comment, I added a map to my site and was heartened to discover that there are some people who read my blog but don't have much to say.
Following that slight rise in my excitement came another dip as I began reading comments on other people's blogs and noticed that some of the blogs I routinely read were being commented on by other blogs I routinely read and I was being completely left out. I'm not sure I could be any more neurotic or junior-high-hormone-driven, but I digress. My newest tactic was to write about some controversial issue that would have people commenting, regardless of whether they agreed with me or not. So far, that hasn't proven very effective, either.
So my dilemma is this: do I continue to write what I want to write regardless of the audience? After all, I started this journey not to please the mass of humanity that will someday come to realize my literary brilliance, but to better develop that brilliance. Or do I become a slave to the comments and hope that this means I am drawing enough of a crowd that magazines and book publishers can only agree that my following is in love with me? Hmmm, sounds pretty petulant to me, how about you?